Monday, August 16, 2010

Catch him if you can

Ghandi once said: "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win"

Maybe he didn't mean this in the context of male & female relationships, but that's how I'm taking it.

Oh men, I feel like I'm always berating you. However, you just keep doing things that call for complete annihilation of your species. And thus, I have good reason.

You see, I don’t put up with anything, and I mean anything. Maybe I am extra hard on guys, but why have a cheating chicken if you can have loyal, laundry doing, pasta making, massage giving, steak? The saying "there are plenty of fish in the sea" is a bit redundant and stupid, but for the most part, it is true. Though scarce, nice guys really do exist...and you should never settle for anything less.

In my short 21 years, I have dated a plethora of guys ranging from mama's boys to party boys, and everything in between. And though I probably have many more bad date years ahead of me, I feel I have learned how to truly sort out the good guys from the bad.

Here are some things to look out for:

1) Independence. If your guy lacks self esteem, he will either: a) never trust you or b) go out and have an affair himself. An insecure person often looks to others for reassurance. If he feels insecure with you, he might go out looking for those desired feelings of security and positive feedback from someone else. Of course you should always build up the people you love. But having your guy ask if his butt looks big in jeans is a sign that you should run away. On the other hand, you also don't want someone who's cocky. Confidence and cockiness seem to tango with one another. But if your guy checks himself out more than he checks you out, it's time to let him go as well.

2) Moms. I know I have talked about boys and their mama's before, but how a guy treats his mom is really important. How men act towards their mothers usually represents the amount of respect he has for women. Make sure he doesn't put her down, talk back, or take advantage. If he treats his own mother as a doormat, trust me, he'll treat you that way as well.

3) Friend appeal. I know people say outside opinions don't matter, but if your friends don't like your loved one, there can be serious issues. For one, you can end up losing all your friends because girls are stupid and usually forget the whole "hos before bros" thing. More importantly, you should really look at why your friends aren't so enthused about your man. Sometimes it is true jealousy. However, If they've liked past boyfriends but aren't so thrilled about the new guy, this should be a red flag. Sometimes we get so blinded by love that we can't see what others around us do.

4) Jealousy/cling-ons. Of course you want your guy to get a little jealous- it shows that they care. But ripping the check out boy a new one because he asked if you wants paper or plastic is un-necessary. Also, watch out for stage 5 clingers. You and your guy should be able to go out with friends separately without worrying about what the other is doing. Relationships are all about trust. So if he calls/texts/bbm's you every 5 minutes, or miraculously "shows up" at the same bar, it's time to find someone a little more secure.

5) Manners. I think manners are one of the most important things. Here are a few things all good guys should know: 1) never to spit/burp/fart purposely in front of you, 2) to put the toilet seat down, 3) to eat like a human being [using utensils & napkins is usually a good sign], 4) that cursing and profanities are not the biggest turn on.

These are just a few things that should help the ladies out there know after the first date whether the guy is worth it or not. Because as much as we'd like to believe it, people don't change. Buying your guy polo shirts and convincing your friends that his incredible hulk temper is fine with you won't turn him into Mr. Perfect. You shouldn't settle for anything less than what you really want out of love and life.

-Oh, and never ever go out with anyone who seriously wears sunglasses inside or at night.