Thursday, September 9, 2010

Take a break

For some reason, unbeknownst to me, all of my friends call me with their relationship issues &questions. Maybe it's because I have had many relationships (some of them having quite dysfunctional moments). Or maybe it's because I have dealt with a slew of personality types in those relationships. Whatever the reason, I always take the questions from my friends and give them advice to the best of my ability because I do think I have experienced quite more than the average 21 year old when it comes to the dating world.

I received a call from a friend of mine the other day, panicked that she 1) was about to start a long distance relationship & 2) that she was unsure of how not to have a boyfriend 24/7. Immediately, my mind went into action about relationships.

There was a time in my life where I always had a boyfriend. To put it into perspective, I had never been single for more than 2 months at a time. I had gotten caught in the safety net of relationships, unaware of how to get myself out. It was not until about a year and a half ago that I finally took a much needed relationship hiatus. I had just left the University of Georgia with no clue as to where I wanted to finish my college degree or what I wanted to do with my life. Feeling completely lost, I realized that I had to figure myself out--without a boyfriend. I had so completely lost sight of who I was without being a part of a "couple"  It sounds weird, but I had become so used to always having someone to call, to get lunch with, to hold my hand through life, that I realized I lacked a great deal of self esteem as "single Taylor." I knew that I had to be on my own through one of the hardest and unexpected times in my life, to know that I could be on my own.

It sounds selfish, but you and your happiness has to come first. Honestly, how can you expect to make anyone else happy if you are not truly happy? You have to go out there and do things on your own- without any sort of crutch...parental, sibling, friendship, relationship. Challenge yourself to do things solo. I started out small by eating lunch alone at a deli, but today I have the confidence to go to movies and dinner alone. And it's really not sad or lonely at all. It's an amazing feeling when you realize you can enjoy time by yourself because you actually enjoy you as a person.

Being in relationships over and over again is never a good idea. You eventually find yourself falling into relationships with people who you know you will never fall in love with. Sure, you will grow to love them, but you will never be in love with them.You have to be passionate about your life in every aspect- work, family, home, and especially love.

Now I'm certainly not saying that everyone should run out tomorrow and break up with their partners. All I am saying is: Don't rush into anything that you are unsure of. Don't stay in a relationship you don't enjoy. And most importantly: Make sure that you have given yourself enough time to be you before you take on a committed relationship.

And if you are single, don't stress out so much about it. Everything comes full circle and I am a strong believer in fate.What's meant to be will always find a way.

Note to those married people about there--this aint for you. Your single ship has sailed.